two 'what if' questions came to my mind this afternoon. what if i cant get promoted this year? what if i got retained? my school work this year is getting worst. i dont understand my lectures, i dont understand the lessons. and i do hw for the sake of doing. my best subjects getting weak, weak subjects getting worst. i dont know what happened to me this year, i have being slacking since year start. everyday when i reach home, i will be restless and tired and have no mood to do anything. and my mum randomly told me this on thur: if this year i dont get promoted, i dont even need to think of going to poly or having private studies. just go straight to work. is this meant to motivate me?

addtional problem

i have two parents who totally do not understand thier 18 going 19 years old daughter. i just dont understand why must they control my life? cant i have my freedom? i'm no longer the young innocent girl who dont know her dos and donts, rights and wrongs. i HATE this kind of controlled life. somedays, i even have the urge not to go home. cos nagging will start once i reached home. cant she sense that i am already very tired after studying the whole day?! and i dont know why is there a need to nag on everything. sometimes in order to reach home later, i either take the bus with the longer route, or take the bus and let it go in circles around my estate. i know its kind of retard to do this, but what else can i do?

i really hate my life at the moment.